Woman Considers Skipping Family Wedding to Go on 30th Birthday Trip Instead’but Worries It Will Spark Tension

A woman turned to the Reddit community for support following a family dilemma that left her questioning whether she would be wrong to skip a wedding the day before her milestone birthday.

The 29-year-old explained in her post that she was invited to a wedding that fell the day before her 30th birthday, which she hoped to celebrate in a big way.

She shared, “I (29F) am invited to a wedding that’s on the day before my 30th birthday (which is celebrated big in my country).” The wedding in question is for her brother’s girlfriend’s sister, a connection that already placed her on the outer edges of the family circle.

The bride and groom planned to wed two hours away from where she lived, meaning she and her boyfriend would need to stay overnight. “We usually party until 3 or 4 AM,” she explained, adding that they would “have to book a hotel room and drive home the next day (on my birthday).”

The timing created a clash with the woman’s long-held dream of a grand birthday celebration. “I initially planned to go on a 2-week long-distance vacation for my 30th birthday,” she explained, noting that because the invitation arrived only recently, she hadn’t yet booked anything.

Adding more context, the Redditor described the complicated dynamics within her family circle. “My brother, his girlfriend, her sister, the sister’s fiancé, and the sister’s parents pretend that we are one big happy family,” she wrote. “But we actually rarely do anything together unless it’s a family dinner or something like that.”

While her brother and his girlfriend seemed deeply intertwined with the bride’s family, the Redditor and her boyfriend were often left out. “My brother, his girlfriend, her sister, her fiancé, the fiancé’s brother, and his wife often hang out or go on trips together,” she revealed. “My boyfriend and I are never invited.”

Despite being excluded from most gatherings, she admitted she didn’t mind much. “To be fair we don’t really mind, because the two sisters love to pretend that we are all sooo happy and picture perfect,” she said. The woman added that she found their personalities “a little fake,” explaining that they often wanted “everyone to follow their plans and do what they want.”

She recalled a specific example of tension during a group trip. “I once went on a short trip with a friend group including them, and there were some big fights/arguments because not everyone wanted to follow their plans,” she wrote. “For example, not all of us wanted to eat in an expensive restaurant.”

The poster also noted that both sisters loved to make big deals out of their birthdays. “They also love their birthdays and mostly celebrate them big,” she said. Ironically, the bride-to-be was aware of the birthday conflict from the start.

“She invited us, and her next sentence was: Oh, it’s the day before your birthday, we will sing happy birthday for you,” the woman recalled. For the Redditor, the gesture came off as dismissive of how important the big day is to her.

The woman explained that she has already talked to friends about the situation, who think she “wouldn’t be the a—— if I don’t attend the wedding.” Her parents, however, felt differently.

“My parents, on the other hand, think that I should take the trip before or after the wedding, since I’m off work the whole summer,” she wrote. “They also said that I could take a flight on my birthday.”

But the idea of spending her birthday either traveling or recovering from an exhausting night doesn’t sit right with her. “Even if I do go to the wedding, I would either be exhausted on the next day and would have to drive home for 2 hours or would be on a plane on my birthday,” she explained. “Or, if we go, we would leave earlier and drive home, so that we can celebrate my birthday non-exhausted (is that a word? Haha).”

She emphasized that the timing wouldn’t have bothered her if it were any other year. “I wouldn’t mind if it’s any birthday,” she wrote, “but I wanted to celebrate my 30th birthday big and go on a fancy vacation.”

At the end of her post, she turned to Reddit to ask, “So — what should I do? Would I be a—— if I go on a vacation instead of the wedding?” Her question sparked plenty of opinions from the community.

One commenter wrote, “NAH, you can decline any invitation you want, but it’s going to have consequences. I’d recommend just leaving early if you want to celebrate your birthday the next day rather than skipping altogether.”

Another pointed out how distant the relationship actually was. “You’re not obligated to sacrifice your milestone birthday for your brother’s girlfriend’s sister’s wedding, that’s like three degrees removed,” they wrote.